Comparison: Don’t Lose Your Pants

My first memory of comparison came when I was in the 5th grade. It was the first day back after Christmas break, and I was standing in line outside waiting for the school doors to open. There was only one classroom of each grade at “Hickory Hills Elementary”, five houses and a small field down from mine; and at 10 years old, my class of 18 students and I were finally king of the school. Until that day. For me anyway.

It was on that day that one of my best friends – a pretty good and kind kid, if memory serves – decided to not say a word as he got into line behind me – barely made eye contact as I recall – certainly made no mention of the silvery, almost reflective, superhero-like pants he was wearing. Perhaps it was the look of horror on my face, perhaps unadulterated envy – what are these magical pants and where in the holy hell did they come from?? “They’re parachute pants,” my friend told me nonchalantly – breaking my uncomfortable stare. “Didn’t you get any for Christmas? Everyone I know got some.”

And like was often the case for me, my 10 year old brain immediately went into hyper drive. Matt the alter boy has left the building, folks. Please welcome MR TYPE A – GOTTA BE THE BEST – MATTHEW MICHAEL IF YOU MISPRONOUNCE MY LAST NAME ONE MORE TIME RAFTERY!

OMG. No. What?? EVERYONE got them? Who? Who is everyone? Did Tony get them? Did Jason? Are these just for boys? Did all the girls get them too? Why didn’t I get them? What’s wrong with my parents? Why do they make my life sooooo haaaard? Why can’t I just be like everyone else??? I swear to f***ing hell if they tell me to be grateful for what I have ONE MORE TIME UUUGGGGHHHHH!!

Oh – to be ten years old again lol. 

Needless to say, I never – NEVER – owned a pair of parachute pants. Not even freakin hand-me-downs. It was rough – not gonna lie. And though life did seem to go on (SOMEHOW) – I spent wayyyy too much time comparing my life and what I “GOT” with that particular friend’s life, who seemed to always ‘GET’ everything. I wonder what the hell he’s up to now. I’ve heard rumor that he hasn’t had the easiest path. But then – I guess neither have I. 35 years later – and what is there really to compare? So many influences, circumstances – so many things neither of us could ever even HOPE to control.

But I’ll never forget those pants. And how badly I wanted them. How badly I wanted to BE HIM. Measuring myself against something that had no relevance to the life I’d been gifted. So wrapped up in what was ‘cool’ and never being accepted as such. He was Michael Jackson and I was an extra in ‘Revenge of the Nerds’. Get used to it, kid. 🙂

About a week or so ago, a conversation about comparison was resurrected between me and my dear friend and business partner, Natalie. How comparison can rear its ugly head when you least need it – like some sort of awful 5th grade test you never passed so you have to take it again. And again. And every time you think you’ve graduated past it – having done countless hours of home work on your own mindset – armoring yourself with ‘rising above’ and ‘there’s enough for everyone’ – just stay the course – it’s yours and yours alone. Well – all I can say – is that there’s a reason why that journey of self discovery and true gratitude is one that needs ongoing investment. It’s no easy task. Every day we ride the roller coaster of life and none of us are immune to the emotions that spring forth from those highs and lows. And if you dare to dream and venture into new territory, your desire will most definitely be challenged. It’s like the universe hears your dream, responds with a resounding ‘YES – GO GET IT!” – so you tear off down this new path, filled with hope and sheer excitement, only to be faced with hurdle after hurdle – bigger and bigger. I mean, seriously? Forget it – it’s not worth it. What a cruel cosmic joke.

But – it’s not. Not a joke at all. It’s that same test. The same one you’ve been trying to pass since the 5th grade. And no one else can take it for you. And now you’re old enough to realize that even when you DO get a passing grade – the grade has an expiration date. But no one tells you when that date is. So all you can do – is continuously prepare.

I’m lucky to do life and business with someone as open and vulnerable as my friend, Nat. And somehow – with years of work – we have a pretty amazing thing growing. Actually it’s better than amazing – it’s some of the most life-affirming work I’ve ever been apart of. I need to be better at voicing that, because it’s true. I often worry that it makes some uncomfortable, so I keep it all too secret. Sometimes I regret the uncontrollable circumstances of my life that threw a major hurdle in our path. On the other hand, I guess it’s taught us to become pretty good jumpers along the way. And we’re insanely lucky to have so many people jumping alongside us again. Truly some of the most incredible humans you could ever hope to work and dream with.

Nat is also an incredible singer/songwriter. She has an album. The first of many, to be sure. There’s a song on her album called “Stay In Your Lane” – you should find it on Itunes and buy it. Album title, “Breaking Forward” by Natalie Myre. A great reminder that comparison is a trap. It lures you with the outward beauty of someone else’s path. But then tortures you with dead end after dead end. And you’re left exposed and embarrassed, just a shell of who actually are, hoping no one noticed that you were trying to be someone else. It’s a song of empowerment, like much of her work is, and it encourages us to keep our focus on the path ahead – the one that’s uniquely ours. The only one that holds our personal truth.

How many of us never rise to our full potential because we’re too worried what others are doing? How fast they’re going? Too worried about what they’re thinking of us? Are they judging the path we’ve chosen? I have spent WAY too much time concerned about this. I think many of us have. I wish I didn’t have that voice inside my head sometimes. And yet – it is part of who I am. Often times, it’s exactly THAT voice that challenges me to do better, go further – so I actually need that voice. I just don’t need it to judge me based on what others are doing. And I don’t need it to listen to those who doubtfully question where I’m going. They’re not running my race anyway.

Perhaps I should keep the race to me and the 5th grader inside. He’s actually taught me an awful lot along the way. I mean – he did make it through 5th grade in his Toughskins from Sears. The least I can do is make him feel like the smart, kind and fun-loving survivor he is.

“Hey kid.” — “Yeah mister?” — “Race ya home?”

“What’ll you give me if I win?”

“Whatever you want kid – If you can dream it, I’ll make sure it’s yours.”

Those young eyes widen with a mischievous glint. “1,2,3, GOO!”

And we’re off!