Love has no stigma

Six years ago, this past June 28th, a love-teacher was born to my sister, brother-in-law and their 3 year old daughter, who is an absolute beauty of a sister. And I get to be one of her lucky uncles – to the 8th of my 8 nieces and nephews! Actually, that doesn’t include my niece and 3 nephews from Bernie’s family. Or now – similarly – though I hadn’t thought of this til now – my niece and 3 nephews from Dennis’s family. So 16 in all! Wow. And man am I in love with all of them. Each and every one. Such unique beauty they each possess. So basically, I have material to write at LEAST 16 stories! But today – it’s Emma. And her story is no more special than any other. But it’s certainly special in its own right. She’s got an insanely bright soul. And she happens to have been born with Down Syndrome.

There are so many things I could relay about the beauty and stressful uncertainty that I witnessed her parents go through, (having chosen not to ‘find out’ when that ultrasound came back with markers), when their beautiful girl took her first breath – and they immediately KNEW. And it was only a fleeting, peaceful moment with their precious newborn before…

Tests, tubes, needles, surgeries, ICU – turning into endless therapies of all kinds, unexpected medical emergencies, days and nights in the hospital almost monthly – then tenuous, brief stretches of normalcy – but with that –  real life – back to work – for them, for her sister, for HER – work the body, work the mind, listen, repeat, learn to understand both instruction and intonation. Glimmers of light doused by more health issues, hospital stays, biting. Still, hope sneaks in! Progress is evident. This little angel of a human is not just speaking and processing – she’s listening and laughing and learning how to trick and manipulate, the way only kids that age can get away with lol. She’s reading now – and writing. I can’t give enough credit to  her parents for the countless hours spent giving her opportunity at every turn, but it’s also evident that she brings her own tenacious, fiercely loving spirit to the table – not taught – hers and hers alone. Love flows free – it’s magical – and on occasion – demanded lol. And if you’re the lucky one in demand at any given family gathering – well then – you just surrender to it! Cause it’s AMAZING. 100% a completely selfish venture on all our parts. Joyful, joyful we adore thee. She DANCES!

And miracle of miracles, mainstream 1st grade! WOW. I mean – holy dreamtastic almost unbelievable WOW! Awestruck. Keep believing! Anything is possible! Super hero. Family of super heroes!

But then…oh no….no, no, no. Not that. Worst nightmare that’s lived inside from day one coming true. The one that unifies parents across all differences of child. MY child – my HEART –

Ridiculed. Made fun of. Bullied.

For something that they have absolutely zero control over.

As it is in probably 100% of the situations where bullying is involved.

Ok sure – she’s 6 and kids will be kids. But for god’s sake, we need to do better. We need to BE better. Wherever we can address bullying. Be it from a president who freely mocks those with special needs and uses the “R” word. UGH. Or just the kid next door who unintentionally learns that behavior, living in a society that has seriously lost its way. It’s THAT kid that we need to get to know. Love. Foster. As a family, a community, a country.

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month. So…maybe we could all try to be more aware. Of our actions. Our words. Words are so important. We are teaching our children with our words every minute, and the words we let them hear from others. Unique. Beautiful. Strong. Loved. Important. We need to make better choices – and a better effort to embrace and celebrate our differences – cause don’t ya know? They’re our super powers y’all! HUMANITY. If we could just figure this out – seriously, nothing could stop us.

Emma’s going to be JUST FINE. In fact, she may just be the next Oprah! If we, as a society of human beings, LET HER FLY. I’m just so grateful that I get to witness and be apart of her journey. And I’m SO GRATEFUL that she’s apart of mine. During our wedding ceremony – Emma shouted out a few times – “UNCLE MATT” and/or “UNCLE DENNIS”!!! And we’d look to her – and once she had our attention – she’d just wave intensely and silently – ready to BURST. HUGE smile on her face. Like she just won the lottery or something. Like she had the bestest secret she could no longer contain. We wave back. Air kisses. Just THEE best.

What I didn’t realize in the shifting of those moments – all so beautiful – all so intense – some of the most intense of my life – so much so – that the fullness of emotion has the ability to really cloud clarity of presence….

“UNCLE MATT!”.

I turn. That smile. The pure joy. Oh. Hi Emma. Sweet Emma. I’m starting to get it. Thank you. Thank you for helping me wake up, pay attention, look around, feel and LISTEN. I remember every moment of that most beautiful day in my life – because of YOU, Emma.

“You and Uncle Dennis are MARRIED!! You LOOOOVE Uncle Dennis! (giggle snort)” – throwing her arms around my neck, me kneeling down to her.

“With all my heart, honey!” I say in her ear. “I know, Uncle Matt.” She says in mine. Then pulls back and puts her hands on my cheeks…

“And you love Uncle Bernie too???”

Gasp. “Oh. Yes. I do, Emma Bemma. So very very much.” And then comes the smile that could outshine the sun.

“He loves you TOO, Uncle Matt!!”

“AAAAAND UNCLE DENNNNNNISSSSSSSSSSS!!”