New Frontiers: Choosing Love After Loss.

Hi. My name is Matt. And this is my first blog post. I’ve shared a fair amount of my journey through other forms of social media over the last few years, but I’m definitely stretching myself here! 😉 I’m not sure if you’ll deem any of this as valuable to you personally, but I’m going for it anyway.

Through my 44 years, I’ve truly come to believe that the only constant in life is change. And it’s not what happens to us in life that defines who we are – it’s how we choose to respond to those things that ultimately pave the way – good or bad. Comparison is our arch enemy. It only holds us back. And yet, it’s in our nature to compare. So how do we actually and truthfully move through it? Especially in this day and technological age where we’re flooded with the highlight reels of all those we are connected to?

I used to be super private about my personal life. I imagine that’s largely due to coming out as a gay man when there was no certainty of acceptance. These days, I see more value in transparency. Sharing vulnerability without expectation of support; but rather, with hopes of truly connecting with others who can relate in their own, unique way. Engaging in that conversation. Which is what I hope to foster here.

A few days ago, I married the most incredible man. And the entire experience surpassed my wildest dreams – I got to live and breathe through the most beautiful showering of love. On almost every level – it was everything I never knew I ever wanted. Which makes complete sense now. Because my whole identity and planned trajectory had previously undergone drastic change. 

Four years ago this month, my life partner (and best friend) of 10 years, was killed in a car accident on his way to work. At that time, my forever future was defined by his presence in my daily life. And in an instant – that future was wiped clean. So how do you step through the painful (and often times horrific) moment to moment of each day when your compass has been ripped from you?

Well – I think it’s the little things that are the most powerful. The little shifts that most don’t notice. The choosing of progress over perfection. Being kind to ourselves and our bodies when it’s much easier to succumb to victimhood and self-sabotage. It’s not pretty every day. In fact, it can get pretty ugly. If my two beloved pups could talk – well – let’s just say I’m glad they can’t lol – but man, did they play a huge role in saving me. Forcing me into the present whether I liked it or not. Helping me learn that we DO have the power inside – each of us – to slowly start engaging with our hopes and dreams again – different though they may be. And it’s not just death that changes us. There are so many things, both beautiful and heartbreaking, that mold who we are. Who we are becoming. But we’re never ever stuck. We choose what we allow ourselves to be defined by. We just have to summon the power to take the next step. And then one more. And another.

When it comes to spirituality and faith – I feel strongly that if we (any one of us) are still HERE. Well then, we’ve either something still to learn – or something still to give. So ‘Onedayonward’ is all about trying to figure that out. Digging for the hope that lives inside us all. And I’m confident you all will most assuredly help me. I just hope that I might be able to contribute to your journey as well. XO, Matt